On Monday, I didnt do much of anything. I slept till about 11:30 then watched 3 movies. One of the movies that I watched was The Holiday with Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, and Jack Black. I had wanted to see it since it came out and had even promised my mom I would take her to see it. Well, that obviously didnt happen and she went and saw it herself. Then it was at the dollar theater by school but Lap and Sobes went and saw it without me. Its now out on video and when my brother and I went to Hollywood Video on Saturday to rent a movie it was there on-sale for only $7.50, so I bought it.
As I was watching it, I really on cared about Cameron Diaz and Jude Law. I started wondering why, was it b/c they were the more attractive ones, or was it b/c they were the ones that I knew would end up togther? No, it was b/c I related too well to Kate Winslet.
Why can't I tell myself that its over? I mean deep down inside I know that it is, but I dont know why or understand why I keep going back to him. He doesnt come back to me. I dont know why I find it so hard to just move on, walk away, and get on with my life, he obviously has. Sometimes I wonder what could have happened had we tried to make it work. I never saw myself married to him, and I think thats what made it so hard for us. I was 18 he was 8 years older than me. We were in 2 different stages of life.
When we ended things, it was so hard for me. I didnt want to end things that way, I wanted to try and stay friends. It isnt easy for me to just turn off my feelings like that. The way things happened and the things that were said were so hurtful, and I couldnt understand why he was saying them. After talking to my good friend Alex I kind of understood a little bit about what was going on. He was scared too, he didnt know what to do with the feelings he had, and since I now lived too far to make things really work and when I was there it was kind of against the rules, he had to just turn off his feelings. But he couldnt and the only way he could even try to make them turn off was to say and do the things he was doing.
When I finally thought that things were really done between us, when I had finally given up hope that anything would ever happen again, after 3-4 months of prayers, tears, and hurting, he came back saying he missed me. Saying that he missed the talks we used to have, the times we hung out, and the way I made him feel. And of course I was the naive 19 year old who thought that everything was going to work out perfectly and we would soon be back together. A little less than a week letter, I discover that he is dating someone and that it is very serious. How could he?
I was crushed and devistated. They fought and broke up a couple of times and each time thats when we would talk more. She didnt like me and obviously I didnt like her. I could never figure out why she didnt like me though, people told me its b/c she knew that him and I had something special, but I still couldnt understand, I mean, she had him, what was she worried about?
Needless to say after all that, I know have closure. Even though we talk about 2-3 times a week still, thanks to The Holiday and Kate Winslet I now know that it is ok to move on!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
God doesnt promise us tomorrow
Tonight while sitting on the couch looking at the SHHS yearbook with my mom and dad, we were talking about a boy from my brothers football that got in a fight the other day. We were also joking around and laughing and talking, then I got a text from my brother telling me to shut up b/c he was trying to sleep. I text him back asking him the last name of the boy, he said he wasnt sure but to try Lewow-Stroud. There he was Daniel Lewow-Stroud. Junior at SHHS, awesome football player and good friend of my brother.
Not even 30 min later my brother comes down from his room to tell us that Daniel had been in a terrible car accident and he and his brother were airlifted to USC Medical Center, and the third boy in the car had been killed. The accident was said to have been by one of my best friends houses so I called her, it was in front of her grandmas house and her brother was the one who called everyone from school to tell them. My brother then made a few calls asking people if they knew anymore about the accident. A couple of his friends were on their way to USCMC to see Daniel and his family.
The junior and senior classes at SHHS just had a huge assembly about car accidents and speeding and drinking and driving. This has come as such a shock to everyone. After posting a bulletin to 2 on myspace and trying to see if anything was on the news my brother finally made his way back to bed.
My dad soon followed and then my mom and I heard my brothers cell phone go off then he came down again. Daniel and his brother are going to be ok. The boy died b/c he hadnt buckled his seat belt and was ejected from the car. Ahh, a sigh of relief. Although the car was damaged and they were pretty beat up and a few broken bones they were gonna be ok.
I made a few text messages and a few phone calls. Posted a bulletin thanking those for their prayers and thoughts. Crying came from the stairs. "Poppy whats wrong" my mom asked. "He :sob::sob:sob: He....he didnt make it." My brothers friend David left him a voicemail saying that Daniel didnt even make it to the hospital, he died from internal bleeding on the way to USCMC. Everyone is so shook up, my brother cant even sleep. I dont know what to do or say to make things better. I know that I cant but it just makes me feel so helpless, my brother needs me right now and I dont even know how to help.
Life is so short. God doesnt promise us tomorrow, and this doesnt mean to live like you are invincible just b/c it could be your last. It means to make the most of your life but dont be careless. Daniel was in class and at football practice on Thursday, football ends at 6, in a matter of 4 hours, he was gone. He will never walk the halls of SHHS, wear number 63, or wear the green robe that would show he graduated. Its so sad to think that it takes something like this to get people to realize that life needs to be handled with care.
This is really taking its toll on my brother. The usually care-free 16 year old has so much going through his head right now. He even told me after all of this happened that he doesnt like me speeding down Cortez when I take him to and from school. It was just Tuesday when I took him to school and sped through that street like I was on a straight-away. I too now realize how simple actions like having "fun" speeding down a street can turn so many lives upside down.
Thank you Daniel Lewow-Stroud for opening so many eyes. Im just sorry that you had to lose your life in order to do that.
RIP DANEIL LEWOW-STROUD 6-7-07
Not even 30 min later my brother comes down from his room to tell us that Daniel had been in a terrible car accident and he and his brother were airlifted to USC Medical Center, and the third boy in the car had been killed. The accident was said to have been by one of my best friends houses so I called her, it was in front of her grandmas house and her brother was the one who called everyone from school to tell them. My brother then made a few calls asking people if they knew anymore about the accident. A couple of his friends were on their way to USCMC to see Daniel and his family.
The junior and senior classes at SHHS just had a huge assembly about car accidents and speeding and drinking and driving. This has come as such a shock to everyone. After posting a bulletin to 2 on myspace and trying to see if anything was on the news my brother finally made his way back to bed.
My dad soon followed and then my mom and I heard my brothers cell phone go off then he came down again. Daniel and his brother are going to be ok. The boy died b/c he hadnt buckled his seat belt and was ejected from the car. Ahh, a sigh of relief. Although the car was damaged and they were pretty beat up and a few broken bones they were gonna be ok.
I made a few text messages and a few phone calls. Posted a bulletin thanking those for their prayers and thoughts. Crying came from the stairs. "Poppy whats wrong" my mom asked. "He :sob::sob:sob: He....he didnt make it." My brothers friend David left him a voicemail saying that Daniel didnt even make it to the hospital, he died from internal bleeding on the way to USCMC. Everyone is so shook up, my brother cant even sleep. I dont know what to do or say to make things better. I know that I cant but it just makes me feel so helpless, my brother needs me right now and I dont even know how to help.
Life is so short. God doesnt promise us tomorrow, and this doesnt mean to live like you are invincible just b/c it could be your last. It means to make the most of your life but dont be careless. Daniel was in class and at football practice on Thursday, football ends at 6, in a matter of 4 hours, he was gone. He will never walk the halls of SHHS, wear number 63, or wear the green robe that would show he graduated. Its so sad to think that it takes something like this to get people to realize that life needs to be handled with care.
This is really taking its toll on my brother. The usually care-free 16 year old has so much going through his head right now. He even told me after all of this happened that he doesnt like me speeding down Cortez when I take him to and from school. It was just Tuesday when I took him to school and sped through that street like I was on a straight-away. I too now realize how simple actions like having "fun" speeding down a street can turn so many lives upside down.
Thank you Daniel Lewow-Stroud for opening so many eyes. Im just sorry that you had to lose your life in order to do that.
RIP DANEIL LEWOW-STROUD 6-7-07
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