God knows what Hes doing

I was just telling Lisa how I was a little bit irritated that the family I nanny for called me and asked me to work tomorrow night instead of during the day. I already had a set schedule of mon, wed, fri mornings 9-1, now its like I have to change things around. But I got over it, but I still get paid bank with that job and I dont want to ruin it!
Just now the phone rang and the person on the other end asked, "Is this Stephanie?" Weird I thought but with all the stuff for school going on I didnt think much of it. Then she asked if I would be able to come in tomorrow and cover phones because Alison was out. It was Sandy from church! Yes, of course, awesome pay, awesome people, easy job, and I can still babysit at night!
God really knows what He is doing right now. Then in 2 weeks I will be working at church everyday for 2 weeks while Alison is on her missions trip.

isnt every youth group a little "saved!"

Tonight, I was watching the movie Saved! with Mandy Moore and Macully Culken and thought about my youth group and the youth group I currently attend. The one that I currently attend, I dont really know much about except for the fact that the people running it and the students in it seem to be way more on fire and focused on God than the youth group I went to in junior high and high school.
But, I can't help but think that there has to be a Hillary Faye and Mary (what was her last name?) in every youth group. Maybe not to the extant as the characters in the movie but all the same. I know that the youth group that I was part of growing up had a Hillary Faye for sure, in fact I think we may have had 2, at different times.
So much drama and backstabbing went on in this movie that I couldnt help but relate to so much of it. I mean, not all of it but for the most part, in my going on 8 years of being involved in youth ministry I have pretty much seen it all!
I know that I'm not perfect and I dont know whether I am proud or not to not be a Hillary but I have to wonder that if she were a real person what would God think? I mean yea, she wasnt the nicest person, and she definately had a weird way of doing things, but she did try to win souls for Christ, and ultimately isnt that what we are placed on this earth for? I'm not trying to say lets all go out and throw Bibles at people and try to perform excorcists on our backslidden friends but her heart was in the right place.
The movie although a bit sac-religious does have a good point. No matter what our sin, God will always love us and forgive us.
I guess I'm just going through a time of learning. Learning that just like God forgives us for everything I need to forgive everyone for the things they have done to those I love and to me.
AHHHH Lord, I need your help so much right now! Please lead me!

home alone night #2

i woke up late for work/church this morning as I predicted. I should have been leaving my house at 7:30 to get there by 7:45. My dad called me to make sure I locked the door when I leave at 7:25...he woke me up! I was late, I got there at like 8:10ish but luckily Lisa was already there so when Joshua was dropped off she was there to get him! Thankfully I have all day tomorrow, well until I have to get ready for the game, to sleep so if I dont go to sleep til 3AM again I'll have more time to sleep!
My poor house in a mess, I mean I havent necessarily made the mess, but still, I had all weekend to clean and I didnt. Well actually I only had yesterday but still! The box to the new computer needs to be thrown/put away, the old computer needs to be put/thrown away, clothes needed to be folded and put away, a few dishes need to be done, and clothes from school STILL need to be unpacked and put away! I was gonna do it today after church, but things came up and then I didnt get home til about 30 min ago so needless to say, I didnt get any cleaning done. maybe after i post this blog, check myspace, bank, myspace, email, myspace, facebook, and myspace one more time I'll do some cleaning.
The fine arts team performed at the traditional service tonight. It made me kinda sad, I mean for the past few weeks I have been feelins sad about fine arts and what not, but tonight really made me sad. Going to the preview dinner was eh, b/c of things going on with Josh I didnt need the stress of him being there and the stress of performing so I was glad not to be in fine arts. Then when I got to help coach a few things it felt so good, the students listened to me b/c they knew I knew what I was talking about. At the actual competition it was cool b/c it was at VU so I knew my way around and yea it was cool. It was kinda sad though at the award ceremony when they were announcing who made it to nationals in what category and I never got to stand up or hear my name being called like it had for the past 3 years. Tonight when they were all performing in front of the church and I didnt close out the service as I had the past it just made me realize that I am growing up and it made me sad that I cant do the things I once "lived" to do!
Well anyway, I'm having an interesting night, but this blog is getting too long so I will be sure to post about it tomorrow before I go to the game!

start of something new

I have been reading the blogs of some youth ministry workers at Saddleback Church who will remain unamed for their privacy and mine and have decided to start a blog of my own.
I have a blog on livejournal but havent been on it for ages and its way back from j-high and freshman year of high school, i also have blogged on myspace but thats getting old. well not myspace but just blogging there!
basically i needed somewhere that i could call "home" and talk about the things i wanna talk about! so here it is, my new "home"

i have to be up and at church in exactly 6 hours which means that i need to get up in 5 hours to start getting ready! im not even close be being tired. i didnt drink caffeine today so i know that cant be it, but i think it may be the mixture of sleeping too much last night and the fact that i am home alone and will be tomorrow too! i have never been home alone over night/weekend! this is weird but i guess almost being 20 i need to get over some fears sooner or later!
ahhh....im almost 20. brett and i were talking about this today at hsm. he thought it was weird that i still went to hsm even though i have finished my first year of college and am almost 20. little does he know that i will soon be an adult volunteer there! but it got me thinking, i AM almost 20!! there are so many things one should have done by this time that i have not done nor will do by then. some of which i am proud of and semi-proud of!
proud of...
i have never drank more than a sip of alcohol and that sip was champagne at a wedding of which i did not like
i dont know what weed looks like or smells like
i have not had sex or anything close to it
i have not written a paper that was longer than 8 pages (i assume this will be accomplished before i turn 20 as i will be starting my sopmore year of college in august)
i have never done a bibliography or works sites page (see above)
semi proud of...
i have not had a real boyfriend (youll know what i mean by "real" in posts to come and no i have not had an imaginery one!)
i have yet to have my first kiss (im a girl its kind of a big deal)
i have never changed churches (i attend the same one as i did when i was a baby, but i also now attend saddleback church)

i guess i should go now, no one will read this but thats ok!
i need to figure this thing out!